Money: is there any point in having it if you can't unashamedly let the world know that you're one of life's winners who is unfamiliar with little-people problems like broadband bills? Debatable.
Is it insensitive to flaunt your sizeable wealth in the age of austerity? Yeah, probably.
Would we like to give it a go, just to see what it feels like? You're damn right we would.
Luckily for us, these days being a try-before-you-buy baller is easy. You see, getting on your filthy-rich flex can be a temporary identity, a disguise if you will.
Today, you can rent everything from your own private island to an oligarch's watch for a fraction of what they would cost to buy.
Yes, being a part-time playboy is definitely going to work out to be a hell of a lot more expensive than the average fly-and-drive to Alicante, but we imagine the never-ending stream of green-eyed gazes makes it all worthwhile. Andy Warhol may have famously predicted that in the future everyone would be famous for 15 minutes, but in the future we reckon that everyone deserves to live like Diddy (or whatever he's currently calling himself) for a day.
Not sure where to start your transformation from unassuming civilian to Billy big time? Here's our guide to getting your not so humble brag on.
A car
A flash car may be the universally recognised symbol of a mid-life crisis, but for those blessed with bulging wallets they're a way to get from A to B while letting motorists and pedestrians alike know that you're a bona fide money magnet. Forget taking a sports car for a spin around a race track for a day though, if you're going to put your foot to the metal, you need to go public.
That's where luxury car rental service Turo steps in, bringing all of Uber's usability and adding a catalogue of cars that make Jeremy Clarkson's garage look like a bingo hall car park. In the market for a Mercedes Benz S Class, a Jaguar F Type or a Lamborghini Gallardo? Take your pick, because they're all in the inventory.
Christin Di Scipio, communications coordinator at Turo says: "You can search by make and model, car hosts that offer delivery, even by colour. Our prices are also typically 35% cheaper than traditional rental car companies, so you can book a Porsche or Tesla without breaking the bank." That's your ride for your big school reunion entrance sorted then.
What it will cost you:£676 per day for a Ferrari California T
Find out more:Turo.com
A suit
For us, any mention of renting an aspect of your wardrobe instantly brings to mind some horrendously oversized suit that will inevitably end up sick-stained, cleaned and passed on to its next lucky recipient. In case you didn't already know, furiously scrubbed nylon doesn't shout luxury, or anything good for that matter. But in the days since your high school prom rental companies have got their act together — meaning that, for a price, you can borrow some seriously slick suits.
For those looking to go down the old-school route, Yardsmen offers a selection of luxury tailoring crafted from British wool and cut by Savile Row trained tailors.
For something a little more modern, The Black Tux promises to do away with all that bad PR renting suits accumulated with its high-end offering – think more Italian wool, less miscellaneous, ignitable cloth. What's so special about these suits? Well, they're cut modern and slim for a start (goodbye human rectangles), are crafted from natural fabrics like merino wool, and feature full canvas construction for a more natural fabric drape.
The company's CEO Andrew Blackmon says: "We weren't happy with quality and style of rental suits on the market, so we designed and manufactured our own, and developed the tools to get customers in the right sizes from the comfort of their own homes." No more feeling like an imposter at fancy dinners when it's this easy to go full on Bond for an evening.
What it will cost you: Rent a Bond-esque dinner suit from £110
Find out more:Yardsmen/Theblacktux.com
A watch
When the world needs to know that you've made it, there are few simpler ways to achieve peak big-timer than letting people see a Rolex. Sure, most owners probably don't have a clue about the complex horology that's gone into their expensive wrist decoration, but that's beside the point — a luxury watch is as close as you're going to get to conspicuously wearable money.
If you'd rather keep the lion's share of your house deposit savings where they are, you only need to dip into them to get some serious wrist candy. High-end horology rental company Eleven James offers a luxury watch subscription service that is undoubtedly more exciting than getting a weekly delivery of health (rabbit) food to your desk.
For a more short-term arrangement (or for a special occasion or big meeting), London-based haute horology service Mr Woolfe also has plenty of pulse-quickening hunks of metal to rent without a subscription requirement.
Eleven James' CEO Olivier Reza says: "By providing our members access to a new timepiece every three months from brands like Audemars Piguet, IWC, Patek Philippe and Rolex, we're repositioning luxury to be based around exploration, experimentation and experience – free from the traditional barriers of ownership and commitment." By our calculations, that's four different megabucks watches per year, and when you're wearing one, nobody need know that beans on toast is the source of your sustenance.
What it will cost you: $150-$200 (£110-£145) per month on Eleven James, depending on the subscription tier
Find out more:ElevenJames.com/Mr Woolfe
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